Kicks and Punches

So I've decided to start a blog. Not because I think anyone cares about anything that I think/say, but mostly because I am horrible at keeping up with my paper journals, and I know one day I will look back on this time and wish I had kept better track of all of these exciting memories. I debated about blogging because obviously I refuse to put anything too emotional/personal online for everyone to see...but then I thought that maybe the filtered version of memories would be better to remember anyways :) Plus, when Liam comes this will be an easy way to share updates/pictures with family. So here goes nothing...

First things first. I'm 19 weeks pregnant. (four months and change). Surprised?!?! Brandon and I have been on the fast track it seems since we first started dating. We were engaged within two months of beginning to date, married within a year, and will now have a baby boy within two years. Some people may say we are crazy, or destined to fail, but I like to think of us as two people who finally found what we were looking for in each other.

I think it's safe to say that pregnancy has not been so kind. No one ever talks about all of the dark and scary things that come along with pregnancy. I don't know how many times I've been told by my friends, co-workers, and strangers about how pregnancy is the "most wonderful feeling" and that they "wished they were pregnant again". Whenever someone says something like this to me I envision punching them in the face. Seriously. What exactly am I missing here?!?! Because to be honest, if it's "such a wonderful feeling", then I feel completely cheated. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to be having a baby, and all of the sickness, pain, etc. is TOTALLY worth it. But I wouldn't call being pregnant wonderful. So of course whenever someone tells me how wonderful it all is I get this overwhelming guilty feeling that I haven't been able to shake. I keep thinking I am going to be this horrible mother/person because I don't particularly like being pregnant.

But yesterday, I came to the conclusion that everyone who keeps saying that being pregnant was/is the "most wonderful feeling", must be forgetting all of the horribleness and only remembering the wonderful moments. Which leads me to the reason for starting this blog today.

I've been feeling little Liam kick for about two weeks now. Since most women don't even realize their baby is kicking this early, I expected it would be about another month before Brandon could feel anything. If anyone knows or has spoken to Brandon since I've gotten pregnant, they will know that he is completely over the moon about becoming a dad. He has been so supportive, has gone to every Dr. appointment, and has pretty much talked to my stomach everyday since day one. He is going to be an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G dad. Period. Every day I thank God that I have such a wonderful husband. So you can only imagine how hard it has been to see the look of sadness/disappointment on his face every time I feel Liam kick and he can't. Until yesterday. Yesterday I had what I can only assume are those "most wonderful feeling" moments that everyone keeps talking about.

We were sitting around watching ESPN and getting our fantasy line ups in order over coffee. (Before anyone begins to silently judge or shake their head, my doctor allows for me to have caffeine in moderation). Liam began kicking particularly hard, so I told Brandon to come over and put his hand over my belly just in case.  It took about a minute of staring at Brandon's face (and a lot of silent praying on my part) before I felt a kick and saw Brandon's face completely light up.

I have been lucky enough to experience incredible moments of overwhelming joy in my life. But nothing so far can come close to the feeling I got when I saw Brandon feel our little man for the first time. And it was in that moment of excitement, that I promised myself to never imagine punching another person that says "pregnancy is the most wonderful feeling", or at least try not to ;)